Jealousy Hits Sometimes

You ever see someone with a cute significant other and your brain just goes:

“I’m better looking than them… what the hell?”

Yeah… I’ve definitely had those moments.

Sitting there wondering:

• what’s wrong with me
• how does this guy have that and I don’t
• why am I still single

It’s a weird mix of jealousy and confusion.

And if I’m being honest… I’ve lived in that mindset more than I’d like to admit.

Trying Something Different

Lately though, I’ve been trying to actually do something about it.

Get out of my comfort zone.
Be outside more.
Be around people—even if I’m not talking to them.

Right now I’m sitting in a small café, drinking Earl Grey, eating something sweet, just listening to music.

And for once…

I’m not trying to escape.

I’m just sitting with my thoughts.

This Feels… Better

Normally, when I want to shut my brain off, I just disappear into some dark hole and let brain rot take over.

Games. Scrolling. Zoning out.

But this?

This feels different.

It’s quieter.
Slower.
Healthier.

Even just people-watching is kind of nice.

Small Moments That Feel Real

This café is tiny.

Super peaceful.

The lady running it is really kind—she tries speaking English while I try my broken Japanese back.

There’s maybe 6 or 7 people here total, and somehow that feels perfect.

It’s not loud.
It’s not overwhelming.

It just… exists.

And for once, so do I.

Rethinking How I “Live”

I’ve also been thinking about drinking.

I’ve definitely been doing a lot of it lately.

But I’m starting to feel like I want to be more intentional with it.

Not:

drink because I’m bored
drink because there’s nothing else

But:

drink socially
drink to relax occasionally

Not rely on it.

Am I Actually Living?

I always tell myself:

“I’m here for a good time, not a long time.”

But am I really living that way…

if I’m just escaping all the time?

If I’m numbing out instead of actually:

• seeing things
• feeling things
• doing things

Where I’m At With It

I don’t have some big conclusion.

Just this:

Sitting in a quiet café, doing nothing “productive,”
thinking about life…

feels more real than most of what I’ve been doing lately.

And maybe that’s a good place to start.